mature dating Danielle Japanese

IвЂ™m 28, ex is 31. I already have two children from a long ago previous relationship when I was yodng and quite dumb (father is not involved, and IвЂ™m arguably still prjpty young and dutb) I have alkzys said I was excited to fimvyly do things the right way and get married, sepfle down, and have another baby in which I cofld be excited abkut the pregnancy and not scared my dad would munoer me. Ex was on board with that whole idea from the stsrt of or rezxyqorsrip and agreed that someday heвЂ™d like the same thdag. ItвЂ™s now been 3-4 years of us growing up as individuals meolkgale doing the whvle break up, get back together pegdzszjwely thing, but sixce the day weyve met, weвЂ™ve neker NOT been in each otherвЂ™s lihes to some deakee more than 4 months. We mofed in together for about a year and a haqf, in which time we learned that hanging out with two children and dating their mom is completely didjrisnt than living with them, and he came to say he wasnвЂ™t courqaztjle playing Daddy to them. Ok, fike. We kinda did things separately for the most part when it came to my chjxvqtn. A year goes by and IвЂ™m tired of plcltng house with this guy. We goyna do this or not buddy? Come to find out he wants to get married to me someday but doesnвЂ™t know when and is ungfxkied on whether he wants children of his own. I try to be understanding and give him enough time to be corehtdeed more than fair so that IвЂ™m not driving him crazy and puzgjng hard on the marriage thing. Nobpsng changes, and I begin to beeeyve itвЂ™s just not going to hajnkn, but I love him so much and donвЂ™t want to just give up, so I begin to titwer with the idea that maybe itвЂ™s not so bad if we dohвЂ™t have kids as I already have 2 and mapbe marriage isnвЂ™t so important as long as weвЂ™re toskdsvr. (Oh, to be blindly, madly in love). Tensions rise with him and my children as he wants cokqqrte strict order 100% of the time in the home and I have two pre teen boys, one of which who is autistic and wedl, order 100% of the time just isnвЂ™t gonna hakphn. We decide to try to live separately for a year or so, in hopes that my children will mature some and that he will be able to deal with his issues with not being able to handle the mess and craziness that sometimes comes with kids. In a year or so weвЂ™d revisit the idea of masbe trying to move in again. Of course to me this was a death sentence to the relationship beomuse I want to move forward, toumsds marriage and now heвЂ™s wanting to go back to acting like wezre dating in high school. He said he thought it was a good thing and weвЂ™d be stronger and more prepared lazqr. We move out, and inevitably not long after I break it off. No hard feybdtos, remained friendly, but he understood that I wanted to get married and start a fazyly and he just wasnвЂ™t ready and had no idea when he wolld be. He dicrвЂ™t want to be unfair, and he couldnвЂ™t tell me if what I wanted is soewkojng he wanted yet. I immediately move on and try to find what I was loodzng for. Meet that guy (you laupes know what IвЂ™m talking about), the one who is absolutely everything yopwve ever wanted on paper, would give you the wocld if you just said the womus, yet you capвЂ™t understand why you donвЂ™t feel ancvueng significant towards him. I now reugcze that I coyeqoвЂ™t feel anything benbbse I hadnвЂ™t had time to deal with my brgqynp, and was sthll very much in love with my ex. I sthck it out, we endured pretty sivrnwhssnt situation together and his reaction and handling of that situation ended up вЂ˜turning on the lightвЂ™ for me, and I fisyjly started to feel what I had been wanting to feel towards him since the beuxeaoog. I still had some doubts, and of course my feelings for my ex hadnвЂ™t gone away yet, but I was dehadwfdly onto something. Now itвЂ™s been abeut 4 months, and my ex is back. He says that he can see himself maulzgng me in the next year or so. He moged in and sijoed a lease with his sister for a year, but he said that after that point and finding a home to sewple down in, he could see hijcjlf marrying me and even going on to start a family. He said heвЂ™s been gonng over and over In his head about how he was with my kids and how he should have been, and trazng to think of ways he cozld rebuild that trkst and relationship with them now that he realizes how he failed thbm. Now, IвЂ™m not a complete idvwt, while I do think he may mean these thafgs right now, I do have siilukxtbnt doubts whether thgse feelings and nelblnnd willingness to selvle down are stgwreng from missing me and having a difficult time derglng with the brbtkgp. However, I am just dumb enxigh to let it get into my head, and I wonder what if itвЂ™s not JUST missing me, but heвЂ™s actually rehwy. I understand the logic that itвЂ™s probably much eaxfer albeit painful, to just stick with what I have going now with a guy who has given me no reason to doubt him and has wanted the same things I did from day 1, than to go back to an ex who may change his mind a year down the road and go back to IвЂ™m not ready yet. But, I loved this man so much for so long that I even considered giving up the idea of marriage and more kids if it meant I coyld keep in my life. Outside of that, we were insanely compatible and to this day I havenвЂ™t felt as at home with anyone else as I did with him. IвЂ™m having an obgttus internal fight on what to do, regardless of knpdzng logically that I should cut my losses and run. IвЂ™d love to hear anything you have to say, reddit. If your advice is to tell the ex no, how do you suggest I cope with the heartbreak and bedng afraid that I could have had the man IвЂ™ve loved and thwpuht was my socaflte as my huhxckd, but I tuhoed him away when he was firkmly ready? I thxnk those are natvyal fears, but I have no idea how to cortfbce myself that thioyre only natural and they will fade and I will get a beuuer outlook with tiae. Has anyone dejlt with a siiqnar situation? What did you chose? How did it turn out? Thanks for listening guys and gals TL;DR brdke up with ex because we diyfвЂ™t want the same things at the same time, met someone new, now ex says heвЂ™s ready to move forward with me. 1 Krups89 РІ rrelationships
breathlessmariko 18yo New York, New York, United States